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History Major Writes 146-Page Paper Comparing Hitler To Hitler, Receives A+

March 31, 2017 Jack Sass

CAS History professor Anne Driod was pleasantly surprised on Thursday when she received senior Stew Pidley’s midterm essay. The essay, entitled,

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Senior Looks For Sharp Object To Stab Self With Before Another Person Asks About Post-Graduation Career Plans

March 22, 2017March 22, 2017 Air Bud

In order to avoid any more questions about the status of her post-graduation job search, Tisch senior Shelly Walter is

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STUDENT VOICES: “No One Laughs When I Say Trump Should Just Try Decaf”

February 27, 2017February 27, 2017 Air Bud

Having tried out her hilarious joke several times at this point, Tisch sophomore Samantha Rudd is feeling disheartened about her

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Articles On Campus Uncategorized 

Campus Mugger Revealed To Be Two Tisch Kids Doing “Helping Hands” Drama Exercise

February 22, 2017February 22, 2017 Murray Samsonite

After a rash of muggings on campus this past month, students are concerned about safety when walking through key areas,

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5 Bobcats Who Feel Like You Do

November 19, 2016November 19, 2016 Carolyn Keene

This bobcat woke up and realized that these past few days haven’t been a terrible dream and that the country has

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Articles Gallatin Uncategorized 

Gallatin Junior Distills Entire Terrible Personality Into Series Of Horrifying Laptop Stickers

November 4, 2016November 4, 2016 John Frey

According to sources around NYU, Gallatin junior Cindy Hodson has effectively taken her entire sense of self and translated it into

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Business team
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Gallatin Junior Purges All Friends Who Don’t Respect His Narrative

October 28, 2016October 28, 2016 Murray Samsonite

This past week, Randy Carpets, a junior in the Gallatin School of Individualized Study, announced that he would not respect

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Adjunct Professor Hangs Around Campus, Wants To Know What’s Up

October 13, 2016 Michael Sarah

When adjunct professor Ryan Bell isn’t teaching Intro to Writing TV Drama two hours a week, he has been seen

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Washington Square Park Magician Can’t Even Get Out of Bed Without a Few Applause Breaks

September 13, 2016 Micky Fine

“Wonder Venders”, “Reality Shifters”, “Perverts In Top Hats.” Many names have been given to the magicians of Washington Square Park,

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BREAKING: That Kid In Your Politics Class Not Edgy, Just A Racist

September 12, 2016September 12, 2016 Julius Sneezer

CAS Sophomore Clive Thurston has been making an impression in his Political Theory class with his “edgy” commentary on American

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Freshman Tearfully Comes Out To Roommates As Straight White Male

September 8, 2016September 8, 2016 Dan Quayle

After just one week of living together, Steinhardt freshman and Founders resident Drew Laracy felt an intimate bond developing with

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BREAKING: With Record Low Turnout, NYU President Andy Hamilton Wins NY Democratic Primary

April 19, 2016April 19, 2016 Julius Sneezer

In yet another shocking twist to an already bizarre election cycle, NYU President Andrew Hamilton has won the New York Democratic

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Andrew Hamilton’s Wife Launches “Let’s Move!” Campaign Because She Misses Home

March 4, 2016March 4, 2016 Britney Shakespears

Mere weeks after her husband took the position of President at NYU, Jennie Hamilton has already launched a dinner table

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east-river
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NYU Swim Team to Use East River After Coles Closure

February 9, 2016February 8, 2016 Dick Tarpis

NYU officials announced yesterday that the East River will serve as the new aquatic training facility for the men’s and women’s

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Academics Articles CAS Uncategorized 

Professor’s Uncharacteristic Use of Humor Shocks, Delights Class

January 27, 2016January 27, 2016 Whoopie Goldblum

Students in Monday’s Economics of Medieval European Industries morning lecture experienced an unusual disturbance around 8:46 A.M. “I could feel it

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White Film Student Worried He May Win An Oscar This Year

January 26, 2016January 26, 2016 Micky Fine

Local Tisch Film and TV student and pale skinned descendant of Tanner and Miriam Lockhaven, Keith Lockhaven has expressed concern

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Opportunistic Environmentalist Senior Blames Climate Change for Inside-Out Umbrella

December 7, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Palladium Pickup Game Not As Casual As It Appears

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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We Asked NYU: Would You Invite Your SO Home for Thanksgiving?

November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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TA Really Identifies With Professor’s Sense of Humor

November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Tisch Uncategorized 

Tisch Sophomore Becomes Recursion of Stereotypes

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Reese Witherfork
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Aggressively Heterosexual Gallatin Student Slowly Realizing He Made A Huge Mistake

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

John Sexton Revealed To Be Character Portrayed By Tim Allen

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

BREAKING: Rachel from Camp to Be in Town This Weekend

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

History Professor Asked to Repeat Himself

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Hayden to Start Serving Cronuts

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

BREAKING: Roommate Has Been Pooping for 18 Minutes

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Harriet Chubman
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Headlines Tisch Uncategorized 

Tisch Junior Considers Recreating Ludovico Technique Just To Stay Awake In Class

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Atticus Binch
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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

John Sexton Emails Andrew Hamilton Full Account of Abu Dhabi Labor Practices with Subject Line: “Your Problem Now, Motherfucker”

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Whoopie Goldblum
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After Successfully Arguing for the Existence of God, John Sexton Begins Selling Indulgences

November 9, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Freshman Openly, Aggressively In Love With Moderate Acquaintance

November 9, 2015December 1, 2015 Britney Shakespears
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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Sophomore Offended Friends Pregamed Her Pregame

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Eighty-Three-Year-Old Professor Confused and Frightened by Chili Pepper Rating

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Freshman Reserves Rubin’s Black Box Theater To Make Roommate Think He Goes Out At Night

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Air Bud
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Headlines Uncategorized 

After Bobst Removes Protective Barriers for Fun Halloween Scare, Suicidal Junior Takes Superman Costume Too Far

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Stern Junior Buys Top Hat, Goes as Abraham Linked-In

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

John Sexton Dresses As Firefighter from Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire for Fun Historical Halloween

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Stern Senior Confused, But Ultimately Not Upset About Waking Up Next to Slutty Donald Trump

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Freshman Dresses Up As Slutty Freshman for Halloween

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

BREAKING: Spike Lee Challenges Pharrell To Knife Fight To Decide True King Of The Tisch Students

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Gallatin Junior Studying Language and Sexuality Declares Concentration in Cunning Linguistics

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

Sophomore Not From New Jersey Remains Unconvinced that Mischief Night is a Real Thing

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Headlines Uncategorized 

RA Writes Freshman Up For Enjoying College More Than They Did

November 2, 2015November 2, 2015 Carl Jr.
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Though Freshman Thought Roommate Was Chill, Second Thoughts Appear After Construction Begins On “Masturbation Castle”

September 8, 2015September 10, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles Uncategorized 

Robert De Niro Spends Entire Tisch Salute Speech Trying To Convince Audience That “Meet The Fockers” Was Critically Underappreciated

May 14, 2015August 19, 2015 Dan Quayle de niro, new york university, NYU, Tisch

Although it seemed like a fun opening joke at first, after thirty-five minutes it became very apparent that Robert De

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Academics Articles Lifestyle Uncategorized 

North Korean Officials Deplore Conditions at NYU Amid Detained Student Crisis

May 12, 2015August 18, 2015 Carl Jr.

   North Korean officials have wasted no time attacking NYU policies in the wake of one student’s illegal entry into

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Articles Uncategorized 

Freshman with 37 Meals Swipes Left Enjoys Popularity Surge

May 9, 2015August 18, 2015 Dan Quayle

Freshman Rachel Ames is feeling peppy, radiant, and downright jubilant with her recent acquisition of friends due to a surplus

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Articles Uncategorized 

Fucking Nerd Sighs When Teacher Announces That This Is Last Class Meeting

May 7, 2015May 10, 2016 Micky Fine

  Freshman Barry Teedler reportedly was heard audibly releasing breath from his mouth as his professor announced that this would be the

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Articles Uncategorized 

Burger Studio Interactive Menu Adds “Spit” and “Personal Insult” To Toppings List

May 7, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Looking to broaden their already impressive selection, NYU announced plans that “Spit” and “A Personal Insult About Your Appearance” will

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Articles Uncategorized 

New Study Shows 95% Of NYU Students Are Only Here To Dodge The Draft

May 4, 2015August 18, 2015 Micky Fine

NYU has always drawn students due to its academics, location, and unparalleled opportunities, but new data shows that one thing

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Articles Uncategorized 

Recently Incarcerated Student Says He Prefers Prison To Weinstein

April 30, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

When Chad Kingston was arrested for dealing molly out of his dorm room in Weinstein, he thought his life was

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Articles Uncategorized 

Dining Dollars Revealed To Be A Social Construct

April 29, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Upon paying $7.50 for a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, Sophomore Megan Martinson came to the profound realization that Dining

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Articles Uncategorized 

BREAKING: Short List of Potential Names For Stern’s New Wing

April 22, 2015August 18, 2015 Pool Boy NYU, Stern

Suggestions and bribes pummeled NYU’s Stern School of Business yesterday after the school announced they were taking suggestions for naming

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Articles Uncategorized 

Tisch Registration Now Allows Drama Majors To Choose Their Typecast

April 19, 2015August 18, 2015 Mort Finkelman

​As registration day rolls near, the Tisch School of the Arts has unveiled a new initiative to further specialize their

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Articles Uncategorized 

Some Fucking Idiot Tags Friend in Comments of NYU Snaps Post

April 17, 2015August 18, 2015 Dan Quayle

Sophomore Miguel Guerrero took it upon himself to share with the world just how fucking good his taste in media

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Articles Uncategorized 

Contents of Sexton’s Private Zoo Revealed

April 11, 2015August 18, 2015 Britney Shakespears

  With his reign of terror and hugs coming to its close, WSL has tried to get to know Sexton

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Academics Articles Uncategorized 

NYU Announces Next Commencement Speaker to Be Big Pile of Money

April 9, 2015August 18, 2015 Julius Sneezer

NYU President John Sexton announced Wednesday that the commencement speaker for the upcoming class of 2015 graduation is to be

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Academics Lifestyle Uncategorized 

Top 10 Reasons Why We’re Definitely Not Rapists

April 1, 2015April 1, 2015 Pool Boy

   1. Roofies aren’t even that great. Seriously. There’s so much drool. 2. My big says no one’s allowed to

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Sports Uncategorized 

Spike Lee Named New NYU Basketball Coach

March 31, 2015March 31, 2015 Reese Witherfork NYU, nyu basketball, spike lee

In a surprise move, the NYU Athletic Board has named famed director Spike Lee the next coach of the Violets

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Academics Uncategorized 

Gallatin Announces NYU-Online For Anyone Looking For An Emptier Degree

March 30, 2015March 30, 2015 Reese Witherfork

NYU officials went public today with a new online alternative for any Gallatin student hoping to give less credibility to

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BREAKING: Chance the Rapper Tragically Found Dead After Drowning In NYU Pussy

February 25, 2015February 25, 2015 Dan Quayle chance the rapper, chance the rapper dead, chance the rapper nyu, new york university, NYU, NYU Local, nyu news, washington square news

It comes with a heavy heart that we announce the death of a beloved cultural icon, Chance the Rapper, who

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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