While Packing, Freshman Has Trouble Deciding Between 100 Pack or 200 Pack of Condoms

While students slowly filter back into the city trying to find apartments, couches, and weed, incoming freshman Ryan Matterhees had a quandary of his own: does he take the 100 pack and be adequately prepared for the crazy amounts of sex he’s about to have, or does he take the 200 pack? “I mean, I know I’m gonna have sex at least a hundred times in the first few weeks, so it would be irresponsible to not be prepared,” said Ryan while googling “frat parties”. “There’s no way that I’ll deal with crippling loneliness, the daunting challenge of sufficiency, or a serial masturbator roommate. I’m gonna be the sex guy.” Ryan lost his virginity to his high school sweetheart and then banged one other girl in the backseat of his car, so he’s positive he’ll be great at sex in the college sex fantasyland.