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Author: Murray Samsonite

Academics Articles CAS 

Professor Automatically Gives ‘A’ To Kid Wearing Apple Logo Hoodie

May 1, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A professor in CAS announced this week that he will be giving an A to the kid who wears an

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU To Test Self-Driving Buses By Firing All Drivers, Hoping For Best

April 19, 2017 Murray Samsonite

NYU will be firing all of its bus drivers this week. As such, when next semester begins, the university will

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Sophomore’s Summer Job Actually Just Cult

April 18, 2017April 18, 2017 Murray Samsonite

After a thorough Washington Square Local investigation, sophomore Sarah Bartshort’s internship was confirmed to actually be just a cult. Bartshort,

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Articles On Campus Opinion 

OPINION: CAS Senior Running For City Council Might Be Severely Unqualified, Potentially Fucking Over Thousands of New Yorkers, But At Least He’s Putting Himself Out There, Y’Know?

April 10, 2017April 10, 2017 Murray Samsonite

Campus has been abuzz this week with the news that Chetan Hebbur (it’s pronounced Nit with a “wit”), a senior in

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Academics Articles Stern 

Archivists Find Evidence Stern Once Held “Morse Code Is All About Confidence” Seminar

April 4, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A group of senior History majors unearthed evidence this week of a century-old Stern seminar entitled “Morse Code Is All

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Freshman’s Article On Medium Shockingly Well Written

March 29, 2017March 29, 2017 Murray Samsonite

In a shocking turn of events, the NYU community was rocked by revelations that freshman Rodrick Simpleton’s Medium article was

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Articles On Campus 

Peace Corps To Begin Placing New Recruits in Weinstein

March 8, 2017March 8, 2017 Murray Samsonite

Beginning this fall, the Peace Corps will begin placing new recruits in Weinstein. The placement is part of a larger

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Administration Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

John Sexton Forms 1860s Irish Immigrant Gang Out Of Boredom

March 4, 2017March 4, 2017 Murray Samsonite

In an apparent nod to Martin Scorsese’s 2002 film Gangs of New York, President Emeritus John Sexton formed an 1860s-style

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Administration Articles 

FUN FACT: Andrew Hamilton’s Chief Of Staff Is Also Andrew Hamilton

March 2, 2017March 2, 2017 Murray Samsonite

Although nobody ever talks about it, Andrew Hamilton is more than just President of NYU. Yes, in addition to his

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Articles On Campus Uncategorized 

Campus Mugger Revealed To Be Two Tisch Kids Doing “Helping Hands” Drama Exercise

February 22, 2017February 22, 2017 Murray Samsonite

After a rash of muggings on campus this past month, students are concerned about safety when walking through key areas,

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Academics Articles 

Gallatin Sophomore Moved To Share Life Story After Professor Calls Her Name During Roll

January 31, 2017January 31, 2017 Murray Samsonite

A Gallatin sophomore was moved to share her life story this week after her professor called her name while taking

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Articles On Campus 

Faculty & Students Agree: New Mercer St. Building’s Beautiful Roof Garden Makes Us Forget About Slavery In NYU-Abu Dhabi

December 15, 2016December 15, 2016 Murray Samsonite

After NYU released the plans for 181 Mercer St., the all-purpose building that is replacing Coles on Mercer and Bleecker,

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Articles Opinion 

WSL Editorial Board: NYU Should Be More Transparent So We Have More Things To Make Fun Of

December 7, 2016December 7, 2016 Murray Samsonite

After heavy deliberation, the Editorial Board of Washington Square Local has agreed that NYU needs to be more transparent about

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Business team
Uncategorized 

Gallatin Junior Purges All Friends Who Don’t Respect His Narrative

October 28, 2016October 28, 2016 Murray Samsonite

This past week, Randy Carpets, a junior in the Gallatin School of Individualized Study, announced that he would not respect

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About Academics Articles Langone 

Rudy Giuliani Named Langone Department of Psychiatry’s “Patient-In-Residence”

October 17, 2016October 17, 2016 Murray Samsonite

NYU Langone announced this morning that Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York City and current surrogate for the Trump campaign,

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Articles Lifestyle 

Junior Too Busy Admiring Own Taste In Music Listens To Entire Album Without Realizing It

October 14, 2016October 14, 2016 Murray Samsonite

This past week, a Gallatin junior going by the name “Dumpster Fire” listened to an entire Mobb Deep album without even realizing

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU Bus Drops Depressed Sophomore Off At Rock Bottom

September 22, 2016September 22, 2016 Murray Samsonite

In an cruel nod to “Spongebob Squarepants,” a depressed sophomore was dropped off by an NYU bus at a stop

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monopoly
Administration Articles On Campus 

Study Shows Monopoly Money More Useful Than Campus Cash

February 18, 2016February 18, 2016 Murray Samsonite

A new study published earlier this week definitively proves that Monopoly Money is more useful the NYU’s Campus Cash. Conducted

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Headlines Other 

Member of Group Presentation Pulls a “Doc Brown”, Sends Letter to Partners Saying He Is Living Happily in the Year 1885

December 10, 2015December 10, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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Headlines 

NYU Asks Students to Not Fuck This Up for Us if Malia Obama Visits Again

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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Headlines 

Rich International Student Copes with Thanksgiving Loneliness by Buying Up World Supply of Giblets

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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614_5
Academics Articles Tisch 

Cinema Studies Department Announces They Will Offer “Madagascar: David Schwimmer, Lemurs, and the Spectre of White Imperialism” This Spring

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Murray Samsonite

The Department of Cinema Studies in Tisch has announced a last-minute addition to the Spring 2016 Course Listing entitled “Madagascar:

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epcot-gallery-00
Academics Articles Lifestyle 

NYU Study Abroad Program Moved to Epcot Center

November 11, 2015November 10, 2015 Murray Samsonite

NYU announced on Monday it would close all thirteen global campuses used for Study Abroad and move the entire program

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Vice_Chancellor_2
Administration Articles 

Andrew Hamilton Resigns President-Elect Position After Visiting New York for First Time

November 3, 2015November 4, 2015 Murray Samsonite

In a surprise move, Andrew Hamilton has announced he is turning down the position of NYU’s sixteenth president, a position he

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s-l1000
Articles 

Frat Upstages UCLA Blackface Party with Hyperrealistic Columbus Day Reenactment

October 12, 2015October 12, 2015 Murray Samsonite

NYU fraternity Gamma Phi Zeta held an historically accurate reenactment of the Columbian Exchange this past weekend in honor of

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TGI-Fridays
Articles 

John Sexton Moves Office to Corner Booth of Times Square TGI Friday’s

September 29, 2015September 28, 2015 Murray Samsonite

In preparation for Andrew Hamilton’s ascension to President of the university in January, current NYU President John Sexton has moved

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popeFrancisSerious_large
Headlines 

Pope Francis Texts Weinstein Resident, Asks if He Left Scepter There Last Week

September 28, 2015October 14, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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young-business-man-thinking-hard-19746662
Headlines 

Senior Beginning to Wonder Whether More Bad Than Good Has Come Out of Learning to Read

September 28, 2015September 28, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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djpressshot-10.12.2012
Headlines 

Sophomore DJ’s Rates are, Like, Super Cheap for What You’re Getting, Man

September 26, 2015October 14, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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photo-24
Headlines 

NYU Announces Poly Will Be Relocated to LL-4 in Bobst

September 24, 2015October 14, 2015 Murray Samsonite
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NYU 2031_map_composite_main1
Articles 

NYU Alumni Debtors’ Prison, Small-Ass Quadrangle Among Things Included in 2031 Plan

September 21, 2015September 21, 2015 Murray Samsonite

As more details of the NYU 2031 plan reach the public, it’s difficult to comb through the layers of info

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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