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Author: Dan Quayle

Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

NYU To Open New Residence Hall On Rikers Island

May 8, 2017May 8, 2017 Dan Quayle

NYU’s Residential Life & Housing Services made an astonishing announcement today by unveiling plans for a new Freshman dormitory, conveniently located

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Academics Articles CAS 

CAS Sophomore Declares Thumb War

April 17, 2017 Dan Quayle

After 2 years of drifting from one interest to another, sophomore Harold Pinkerton finally filed paperwork with the College of Arts

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Academics Articles Law 

NYU Law Grad Makes Judgement On Landmark ‘Man v. Food’ Case

March 24, 2017 Dan Quayle

Alex Havermeyer, NYU Law Class of ’12, is making headlines this morning after the culmination of a nearly year-long investigation

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Articles Lifestyle 

Study Confirms Overall Satisfaction With Usual Hometown Hookup Decreasing Exponentially

March 20, 2017March 20, 2017 Dan Quayle

A new study conducted by the NYU Psychology Department confirmed CAS junior Cassie Blankhardt’s suspicion that her usual hometown hookup, Chad

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Articles On Campus 

NYU Republicans Call For Transfer Student Ban

February 15, 2017February 15, 2017 Dan Quayle

The scene outside of President Andy Hamilton’s office late Tuesday evening was not a pretty one, as NYU College Republicans

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Administration Articles On Campus 

CAMPUS PROFILES: Meet The Graphic Designer Who Photoshops Medical Degrees For The Health Center

February 1, 2017 Dan Quayle

Among the dozens of amazing people that work at NYU, few are as important as Kelly Wyatt, a graphic designer

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Academics Articles CAS Lifestyle 

Anthropology Department Discovers New Hominid Species At NYU Republicans Meeting

January 30, 2017January 30, 2017 Dan Quayle

NYU’s own Anthropology department is making international headlines this morning after publishing a groundbreaking paper detailing the discovery of a

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Articles On Campus Steinhardt 

Edward Snowden Found Hiding In South Elevator Of Barney Building

January 26, 2017January 26, 2017 Dan Quayle

The custodial staff at NYU’s Barney Building made a shocking discovery last Friday when they found former CIA employee and

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

OPINION: If You Love Berlin So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?

January 23, 2017January 23, 2017 Dan Quayle

  It’s only the first day back to school and friends of Anna Littman have already had enough of her

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Lone NYU Republican Prepares For Crazy Evening of Heckling TV By Himself

September 26, 2016September 26, 2016 Dan Quayle

CAS Senior Jeffrey Lee has spent the last four months eagerly awaiting what he calls, “the takedown of the century.” Four

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article
Articles On Campus Sports 

NYU Football Team Captain Pretty Fucking Tired of Everyone Thinking They Don’t Exist

September 23, 2016September 23, 2016 Dan Quayle

For years now NYU students have been yucking it up about their school’s apparent apathy towards any sort of physical

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Academics Articles 

Ass-Kissing Piece of Shit Only One Who Did the Reading

September 14, 2016September 14, 2016 Dan Quayle

Sophomore Eduardo Gomez once again incurred the wrath of his fellow classmates yesterday by being the only one to do

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Uncategorized 

Freshman Tearfully Comes Out To Roommates As Straight White Male

September 8, 2016September 8, 2016 Dan Quayle

After just one week of living together, Steinhardt freshman and Founders resident Drew Laracy felt an intimate bond developing with

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Pike Crashes Darknet With Third Massive Order of Rohypnol This Week

May 3, 2016May 3, 2016 Dan Quayle

NYU’s Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, affectionately known as Pike, made Internet history earlier today by being the first organization to

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Articles 

­INTERVIEW: Straight White Freshman Hopes To Bring Unique Perspective To NYU’s Comedy Scene

March 30, 2016March 30, 2017 Dan Quayle

ThunderSlutz is NYU’s oldest and most prestigious comedy team, and they’ve been delighting undergrads with their hilarious shows for years.

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Fraternity President to Step Down Amid Allegations of Being Decent, Kind Person

February 17, 2016February 17, 2016 Dan Quayle

The executive board of NYU’s Pi Kappa Alpha announced late last night the results of its no-confidence vote directed at

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Upset student reading grades at schoo
Academics Articles CAS 

Pussy-Ass Freshman Drops Chem 2

February 12, 2016February 12, 2016 Dan Quayle

After just three moderately difficult weeks of learning about properties of mixtures, freshman Geoff Lee has thrown in the towel.

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world_series_party
Articles Sports 

Musical Theater Major Totally Ready to Watch the World Series

February 7, 2016February 7, 2016 Dan Quayle

“I’ve been shopping for days,” confesses Granger Robbins, a junior in Steinhardt’s Music Theatre department, as he places several boxes

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coin_toss
Administration Articles 

NYU Officials: Andrew Hamilton’s Mad Coin Tossing Skills Totally Not a Factor in Appointment to Presidency

February 3, 2016February 3, 2016 Dan Quayle

NYU officials confirmed today that, while Andrew Hamilton’s astounding ability to call which side of the coin would land face up

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andy_stuck
Administration Articles 

Andrew Hamilton Spends First Day As President Firmly Planted in Roadside Snowdrift

January 25, 2016January 26, 2016 Dan Quayle

Newly elected NYU President Andrew Hamilton had an eventful first day in office, spending most of it firmly planted in

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Administration Articles 

John Sexton Clarifies He Was Stepping Down From His Office Chair

December 10, 2015December 10, 2015 Dan Quayle

In a statement released earlier today, John Sexton responded to the long-standing belief that he was stepping down as NYU’s

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Headlines 

Most Popular Item Sold in NYU Bookstore for 2015: Bayonets

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Academics CAS Headlines 

Senior Studying Astrophysics Surprisingly Down-To-Earth

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

NYU Student Detained in North Korea Walks Into Turkey to Try to Solve This Problem Too

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Bridge Troll-in-Residence Graptha the Disfigured Asks Student to Come to Office Hours in Williamsburg Bridge Underpass

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

CAS Junior Gets Paper Extended til After Thanksgiving Due to Father Being Her 5th Source

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles Lifestyle 

Wiccan Roommate Demands Winter Solstice Decorations Receive Equal Billing with Christmas Decorations in Common Room

December 2, 2015December 2, 2015 Dan Quayle

Sophomore Wiccan Donnie Brasini is taking a stand for religious freedom at NYU by refusing to take down his traditional

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Administration Articles 

Financial Aid Office Announces New Procedure for Filing Complaint About Complexity of Complaint-Filing System

November 30, 2015November 30, 2015 Dan Quayle

WAfter much criticism over a bureacratic system described as “labyrinthian” and  “impossible”, NYU has announced new revised guidelines to filing

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Articles Lifestyle 

Freshman Counting Down the Days Til More Regretful Sex With High School Sweetheart

November 29, 2015November 28, 2015 Dan Quayle

After a Thanksgiving break filled with family, food, and quiet fucking in his childhood bed while his parents slept twenty

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Articles On Campus 

Marketing Major Rebrands NYU Skinheads Club as “White Student Union”

November 23, 2015November 23, 2015 Dan Quayle

In a move widely hailed as “daring”, “incredible”, and “downright genius”, Stern Marketing Senior Carl Cartwright has succeeded in the

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Headlines Other 

NYU Announces Sale of All Freshman Dormitories to Corrections Corporation of America

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Academics Articles Tisch 

Tisch Actress Takes Astronomy Class, Discovers World Does Not Revolve Around Her

November 2, 2015November 4, 2015 Dan Quayle

When Lisa Fox, an actress at NYU’s Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute, decided to register for Quarks To Cosmos,

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Articles Lifestyle 

Hayden RA Gathers Residents Around for the Spooky Tale of Spike Lee’s Roommate Who Died in The Great Pizzeria Fire

October 30, 2015October 29, 2015 Dan Quayle

Senior Brian Burns gathered all of his residents around for a Halloween tradition that had been passed down to him

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Portrait of smiling woman lying while working on laptop at home
Academics Articles 

Sophomore Would Rather Spend Hours Researching How Traceable Bomb Threats Are Than Study for Orgo Midterm

October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 Dan Quayle

It’s crunch time in the hallowed halls of NYU, and while some students are turning to Adderall and caffeine to

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Jon-Charles-Dickens-xmas-christmas-storyteller-stories-nj
Academics Articles 

Professor Dresses Up As Main Character of Novel to See Who Did the Reading

October 28, 2015October 27, 2015 Dan Quayle

Various “fun professors” across NYU are getting into the spirit this Halloween, and Jon Creecher, adjunct professor of English currently

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Headlines 

Sports Management Major Brings Hot Wings to Class for Thirty­-Fifth Day in a Row

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

BREAKING: Girl Sitting Next to You in Writing the Essay Wearing Professor’s Hoodie

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Stern Refuses to Acknowledge Suit Filed by Former Student Because it’s Wrinkled and Clearly Not Armani

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles 

Lone NYU Republican Prepares For Crazy Evening of Heckling TV By Himself

October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 Dan Quayle

CAS Senior Tim Donnelly has spent the last four days eagerly awaiting what he calls, “the shitshow of the century.” Four

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Headlines 

Russian History Professor Hands Out 5 Week Plan to Complete Class Project

October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

NYU Environmental Law Grad Has Extremely Sustainable Objections

October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

New Investigative Study Reveals All of NYU’s Trash Exported to Feed Laborers in Abu Dhabi

October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Freshman at Josie Woods Pub Hoping to Fall in Love Tonight

October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Hudson-bay-blankets-vintage
Articles 

FROM THE WSL VAULT: NYU Begins Next Stage of Expansion with Distribution of Smallpox-Infected Blankets

October 12, 2015October 12, 2015 Dan Quayle

In dishonor of Columbus Day, WSL is proud to bring you a hit from the WSL Vault. Originally published October

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Articles 

Senior Unsure of What to Name Facebook Album After Running Out of Jay-Z Quotes

October 6, 2015October 6, 2015 Dan Quayle

The day Marlee Gilfeather was dreading finally came last Friday, when, after four years of attending NYU, she ran out of

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zines2
Articles 

Gallatin Senior Calls Stupid Little Pamphlet a “Zine” to Stoke Own Ego

October 6, 2015October 6, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

After $100 Million Dollar Donation, Poly Facilities Remain Unchanged: North Korea Announces Plans for Unrelated $100 Million Dollar Reactor After NYU Student is Released

October 5, 2015October 5, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles 

NYU Proudly Announces “Clash of Clans” Will Now Be Accepting Campus Cash

October 3, 2015October 1, 2015 Dan Quayle

After an impressive expansion of their Campus Cash program, NYU announced today that the newest vendor to accept the University’s

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Headlines 

Freshman Hits Bong At Party, Goes Into Bathroom, Stays There For Remainder of College Career

October 2, 2015September 28, 2015 Dan Quayle
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XAM93755 Children's Games (Kinderspiele): detail of a child with a stick and hoop, 1560 (oil on panel) (detail of 68945) by Bruegel, Pieter the Elder (c.1525-69); Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna, Austria; Ali Meyer; Flemish,  out of copyright
Articles 

Gallatin Announces New Course: “Hoop and Stick: Identifying Gender Through Puritanical Play Constructions”, Quickly Cancels It Due to Implying People Can Only Be Hoops Or Sticks

October 2, 2015October 1, 2015 Dan Quayle

The Gallatin School of Individualized Study faced criticism today after announcing their new course offering “Hoop and Stick: Identifying Gender

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Cast-Takes-a-Bow-3
Articles 

After Backlash Over “The Mikado”, Skirball Starting to Think Booking All-Caucasian Production of “Raisin in the Sun” Not the Best Idea

October 1, 2015October 1, 2015 Dan Quayle

Following controversy over a production of Gilbert and Sullivan’s masterpiece “The Mikado” to be performed in yellowface, the Skirball Center

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6a0134860e42be970c0133f3686340970b
Headlines 

After Numerous Complaints About Bathroom Stench, Bobst Finally Refills Rancid Piss-Scented Air Fresheners

September 30, 2015September 30, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles 

NYPD Report Shows 96% of “CD Bullies” to be Clive Davis Grads

September 27, 2015September 26, 2015 Dan Quayle

Following a recent string of assaults, muggings, and general disturbing of pussy-ass NYU freshmen, the NYPD has released an official

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efe2df24cee702b59f6ae97746e1baab
Headlines 

­Tuition To Rise 7% In 2016 To Offset Cost Of Hayden Ice Cream Bar

September 23, 2015September 22, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Pope Francis gestures upon arrival for a prayer vigil with hundreds of thousands of young Catholic pilgrims attending World Youth Day (WYD), at Copacabana beach in Rio de Janeiro on July 27, 2013, during his week-long visit to Brazil.
AFP PHOTO / LUCA ZENNARO-POOL        (Photo credit should read LUCA ZENNARO/AFP/Getty Images)
Headlines 

NYU Health Center Hides All the Condoms, Announces Free Papal Smears In Anticipation of Pope’s Visit

September 23, 2015September 23, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Articles 

Junior’s Reported Amount of Fun On Study Abroad Incongruous With Amount of Time Spent on Social Media

September 22, 2015September 22, 2015 Dan Quayle

Although, Marco Matelli (CAS ’17) is reporting having “the time of his life” in London (and Amsterdam, and Barcelona, and

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law2-e1442951741347
Headlines 

Stern Prof. Praises Douche Pharma CEO’s Smart Business Acumen While Gallatin Prof. is Simultaneously Declaring Jihad on Martin Shkreli in Classroom Next Door

September 22, 2015 Dan Quayle
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math
Headlines 

Math Major Drinking While Doing Homework Arrested for Drunk Deriving

September 22, 2015September 22, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Study by Circulation Services Shows 87% of Bobst Books Have Been Used to Roll a Joint

September 18, 2015September 17, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Edgy Sophomore Who Makes 9/11 Joke In Recitation Isn’t Offensive, Just Boring and Redundant

September 11, 2015September 11, 2015 Dan Quayle
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Headlines 

Senior Gets Nostalgic Watching Freshman’s Burgeoning Depression and Loneliness

September 9, 2015September 9, 2015 Dan Quayle
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  • ← Previous
Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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