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Author: Rachel Slur

Academics Articles On Campus 

“Two Truths And A Lie” Icebreaker Solves Cold Case Of Professor’s Dead Wife

January 25, 2017January 25, 2017 Rachel Slur

On the first day of “Introduction To Introductions,” Professor Stephen Gilroy was shocked when a simple icebreaking game of Two

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Tips For Having An Affair With A Married Professor

September 27, 2016October 9, 2016 Rachel Slur

Older, married men are hotter, smarter and more financially secure than others. It’s just plain science. Next time you’re ready

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Administration Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

John Sexton Spotted Begging New Students For Hugs

September 7, 2016September 7, 2016 Rachel Slur

NYU President Emeritus John Sexton was spotted crouched in the bushes of Washington Square Park late Tuesday evening according to

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Academics Articles On Campus 

Last Class Bagels Don’t Make Up For Poorly Taught Seminar

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 Rachel Slur

In an effort to mitigate a disastrous semester, Gallatin Professor Phil Benneson decided to treat his Defense Against the Dark

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Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

I’m The Dog You Stopped To Pet And I Fucking Hate You

April 28, 2016April 28, 2016 Rachel Slur

I get it. You once had a dog. You don’t right now. You’re far away from your home and family,

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lanyard_joe
Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Freshman’s Lanyard Possessed and Can Never Be Taken Off

March 23, 2016March 23, 2016 Rachel Slur

After a semester and a half of wearing his lanyard twenty-four hours a day, freshman Ray Stanz decided the time

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depressed_prof
Academics Articles 

Fellow Students Unable to Break It to Professor That Kyle Dropped the Class

March 7, 2016March 7, 2016 Rachel Slur

After six long weeks, students of The Literature of Rebellion in Early Modern Europe didn’t have the heart to tell their professor

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sober
Articles 

Studio Art Major Accidentally Shows Up to Class Sober

February 4, 2016 Rachel Slur

It was a typical Thursday morning for junior Studio Art major John Cavanaugh. He woke up, showered, ate, and had just made it

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Headlines 

Stern Junior OD’s on Synergy

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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CAS Headlines 

International Politics Class Just Gonna Watch A Movie This Week

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

Unburdened by RA’s, Sophomore is Finally Free to Celebrate Danksgiving

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines Stern 

Stern Senior Chokes On His Own Brand

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

Freshman Still Doesn’t Know Roommate’s Name, Major, Gender

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines Stern 

BREAKING: Stern Wifi Just As Difficult to Deal With as Stern Students

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Academics Articles Tisch 

Dance Major Injures Foot, Forcing Teacher to Put Her Out to Pasture

November 21, 2015November 21, 2015 Rachel Slur

  It was a gloomy day in Tisch as dance major Glenda Orbison ’17 broke her ankle during a botched plié,

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Headlines Other 

Senior Gets Hangnail Monday Morning, Takes Week Off

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Academics Administration Articles 

Hamster Powering Albert Goes On Strike

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur

It’s a stressful time of year for all members of the NYU community as registration approaches, but especially for the

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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Sophomore Offended Friends Pregamed Her Pregame

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Gallatin Headlines 

Gallatin Dropout Prefers to Call It “Educational Departure Through Non-Discourse”

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines Tisch 

Tisch Student Fixes Classmate’s Work With Passive Aggressive Criticism

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Eighty-Three-Year-Old Professor Confused and Frightened by Chili Pepper Rating

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Walter Block ‘15 at UConn Stamford on April 2, 2015. (Kim Kreiger/UConn Photo)
Articles Lifestyle 

Older Grad Student In Lecture Won’t Stop Asking Pointless Questions

October 27, 2015October 27, 2015 Rachel Slur

It was a tense morning in “The Logic Of Hunger” when much older graduate student Herbert Laughlin just would not stop

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Articles 

Visual Arts Major Accidentally Shows Up To Class Sober

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Rachel Slur

It was a typical Wednesday morning for Junior John Cavanaugh. He had woken up, showered, eaten and just made it to

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Headlines 

Tisch Sophomore Spends Four Hours Crying After Classmates Respectfully Critique Performance

October 4, 2015September 28, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

Freshman Watching Roommates Drunkenly Fight Misses Home

October 3, 2015November 2, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Teenagers passing drugs --- Image by © Image Source/Corbis
Headlines 

John Sexton Confirms Retirement Will Not Affect His Adderall Dealing

October 3, 2015November 2, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

NYU Health Center Invests in WedMD Pro Account

September 29, 2015September 29, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Articles 

TA Almost Certain Which Students Are Jacking Off To Her

September 26, 2015September 26, 2015 Rachel Slur

On Tuesdays and Thursdays in the Texts and Ideas Class “Looking Behind Us To See Ahead,” TA Callie Lockhart is on

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our-bathroom-was-disgusting
Headlines 

BREAKING: Weinstein Roommates Still Not Addressing Jizzy Tissues in Trash Can

September 25, 2015September 24, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

Only Girl in NYU Anime Club Uncomfortable

September 24, 2015September 23, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Headlines 

NYU Rush Fan Club and Greek Life Clash Over Wildly Different Interpretations of “Rush Week”

September 21, 2015September 21, 2015 Rachel Slur
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PORTLAND, ME - MARCH 14: A very passionate and angry Steve Pollock, Full Professor of Geosciences, confronts University of Southern Maine President Theodora Kalikow over her decision to cut his department to satisfy her 10% cut to 140 Million dollar budget FRIDAY, March 14, 2014. (Photo by Gordon Chibroski/Staff Photographer)
Articles 

Professor Mistakes Student’s Suicide Note For Homework, Gives It C –

September 17, 2015September 20, 2015 Rachel Slur

At 3:45 PM today, Sophomore Camden Calloway was penning out a potential draft of his suicide note. He accidentally left

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Headlines 

Pike Announces New Slogan for Rush 2015: ­ #NotAllPikeBrothers

September 17, 2015September 14, 2015 Rachel Slur
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tie-dyed-hair-in-dazed-confused
Headlines 

Stern Freshman Accidentally Wanders Into Gallatin, Leaves with Colored Hair

September 16, 2015September 14, 2015 Rachel Slur
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DIL_Photo_HSStudent
Headlines 

RA With No Sense of Smell Still Gonna Try Real Hard

September 12, 2015September 12, 2015 Rachel Slur
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John Sexton Bucket List
Press Releases 

John Sexton’s Senior Year Bucket List

September 10, 2015 Rachel Slur
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Academics Articles 

Gallatin Renames Finals Week “Scholastic Reflection Period” to Make the Rest of Us Hate Them More

May 3, 2015August 18, 2015 Rachel Slur

Fearing that the student body’s abiding hatred for Gallatin slowly waning, the administration announced this week that they’re taking measures

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Lifestyle Video 

NYU Makes Oscar Predictions, Shows Startling Trends by School

February 20, 2015February 20, 2015 Rachel Slur academy awards, new york, NYC, NYU

  This Sunday, the 87th Academy Awards will award the best and brightest in achievement in film this year. Everyone

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Academics Lifestyle 

NYU Work Study to Start Paying in “Fun Money”

February 5, 2015February 5, 2015 Rachel Slur financial aid, NYU, NYU Local, tuition, washington square local, washington square news, work study

As the new semester begins, NYU’s Financial Council, a diverse and eclectic group of old white men, have devised a

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Academics 

BREAKING NEWS: NYU’s Presidential Shortlist Leaked!

November 24, 2014November 24, 2014 Rachel Slur

As many of you know, our current All-Father John Sexton will soon be stepping down as NYU’s President and the

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Uncategorized 

John Sexton to Open “Human Hunting Sex Compound” On a Comet

November 22, 2014November 18, 2014 Rachel Slur

NYU President John Sexton has announced his next big plans for expanding the NYU Campus. “I’ve decided to forgo any

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Lifestyle Uncategorized 

Barney Building Quarantined Due to Cthulu Like Smoke Monster

November 12, 2014November 10, 2014 Rachel Slur

As of last week, the Barney building of Steinhardt has been quarantined for “Levels of Tobacco Smoke Beyond the Human

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Academics 

Peers Skeptical That Comparative Literature Major Actually Finished “Infinite Jest”

November 11, 2014November 10, 2014 Rachel Slur

After two long, long months of skipping poetry slams and going to see what’s playing at IFC, Comparative Literature Major

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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