Barbara Bobcat: Mass Transit Doesn’t Like Me!

Dear Barbara Bobcat,

I’m so upset. I didn’t get into Mass Transit. I spent weeks prepping for my audition. I had a vocal coach, and I even attended one of their epic parties with an ice luge. I sang my favorite song Rude, by Magic! And I didn’t even get a callback. I’m planning on auditioning for next year, but honestly, I feel like just killing them all. What should I do?

-Boy Alone, So Sad (BASS)

Dear BASS,

Just kill them! The NYU community has been asking about it for a while but no one’s stepped up to the plate. Looks like you’re the one. A tip: Try strangling them with one of their stupid ties. But don’t be gay about it. Mass Transit is a lot of things, but homoerotic is definitely not one of them.

Good luck!

-Barbara Bobcat