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Author: Dick Tarpis

Academics Articles 

Led Zeppelin Fan Definitely Misunderstood “Classics” Course Material

April 7, 2017 Dick Tarpis

As the semester winds to a close, sophomore and Classic Rock superfan Danny “Baby Clapton” Carter admits he was dissatisfied

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Administration Articles On Campus 

Upside Down ‘U’ In Park Leaves Many Asking Questions

April 12, 2016April 12, 2016 Dick Tarpis

The scene was one of confusion and occasionally terror this past Tuesday, as many students gathered around a mysterious upturned

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Academics Articles Lifestyle Tandon 

New Virtual Reality App Shows NYU Students What It’s Like to Have Normal College Experience

April 4, 2016April 4, 2016 Dick Tarpis

With its urban landscape, lack of a definitive campus, and sparse sense of community, some NYU students complain that they

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faculty_home
Administration Articles On Campus 

Junior Accidentally Mailed Faculty Vacation Home

March 28, 2016March 28, 2016 Dick Tarpis

CAS junior Tommy Branton this past Sunday signed for a large package that appeared to be a luxurious vacation home meant

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just jerkin it
Articles Lifestyle On Campus 

Roommates Report Feeling Closer After One Catches Other Masturbating

March 8, 2016March 8, 2016 Dick Tarpis

In an uncharacteristically warm and emotional BASE meeting, sophomores Josh Coughman and Jeff Young reported that they feel closer than ever

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east-river
Uncategorized 

NYU Swim Team to Use East River After Coles Closure

February 9, 2016February 8, 2016 Dick Tarpis

NYU officials announced yesterday that the East River will serve as the new aquatic training facility for the men’s and women’s

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oliver_partridge
Articles On Campus 

Student Who Stole Library Book in 1836 Finally Released From Detention

February 2, 2016February 2, 2016 Dick Tarpis

Oliver Partridge, a student who stole a copy of “The Canterbury Tales” from NYU’s library in the mid-1800s, was finally

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Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Hayden “Locally Farmed Poultry” Revealed to be WSP Pigeons

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Shitty Professor and Lazy Student Discover Newfound Respect For Each Other

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Prestigious Internship Offers Hollow Reinforcement Of Student’s Overblown Ego

December 7, 2015December 7, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Academics Administration Articles 

NYU Langone Set To Offer ED (Early Decision) Pills To Prospective Freshman

December 1, 2015 Dick Tarpis

In collaboration with the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, NYU Langone has announced new pills to help motivate high school students who have

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Headlines Other Uncategorized 

Palladium Pickup Game Not As Casual As It Appears

November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Hands of Couple Looking at Blueprints
Articles On Campus 

Bobst Architects Admit They Never Considered Wind

November 14, 2015November 12, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Following a highly publicized internal investigation and some mysterious creaking sounds around the Washington Square Park area on windy days,

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Headlines Other 

Palladium Lifeguards Begin Prioritizing Drowning Victims Based on Student Debt

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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To the Future
Academics Articles 

Gallatin Senior Excited To Graduate With A Concentration In “Harvard Law Degree”

November 1, 2015October 29, 2015 Dick Tarpis

After finalizing her schedule for the Spring of 2016, Trish, a Gallatin undergraduate is set to graduate NYU with a

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Headlines 

NYU Reveals Most Students in Kimmel Paid Actors

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

RA Unable To Solve Deep Emotional Problems With Poster Boards And Icebreakers

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Campus Water Fountains Replaced With Hand Pump Wells To Illustrate Students’ Privilege

October 19, 2015October 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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NYU Office of Fall Break
Press Releases 

NYU Talks Back! Students Share Why They’re Choosing To Go Home or Not This Fall Break

October 13, 2015October 19, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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UNITED STATES - MARCH 24:  John Sexton, president of New York University, speaks during an editorial board meeting in New York, U.S., on Tuesday, March 24, 2009. Sexton, the former chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, said in an earlier Bloomberg television interview that Tim Geithner, U.S. Treasury secretary, is an "extrordinary leader" and the right person for the times.  (Photo by Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Headlines 

John Sexton Attempts to Appeal to Pre-Med Students With “Baseball As A Road To Organic Chemistry”

October 4, 2015September 28, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

NYU Quidditch Team Enacts Celibacy Requirement To Make It Seem Like Team-Wide Virginity is On Purpose

October 1, 2015November 2, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Amazing-Tribal-Tattoo-on-Face
Headlines 

Gallatin Professor Clearly Shows Favoritism Towards Student With Face Tattoo

October 1, 2015September 30, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Stern Classrooms To Segregate Seating Based On Quality Of Tie, Cuff Links

September 30, 2015September 30, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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MRphoto2
Headlines 

Sophomore Buys Dog Because They’re Very Confident They Can Even Take Care Of Themselves

September 27, 2015September 24, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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sensitive
Headlines 

Sophomore in Silver School of Social Work Expelled After Taking Time For Herself

September 26, 2015September 24, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Official Schedule For Pope Francis’ Visit to N
Press Releases 

BREAKING: Official Schedule for Pope Francis’ Visit to NYU

September 25, 2015September 25, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Screen Shot 2015-09-22 at 4.01.45 PM
Articles 

New Safe­Ride App Features Surge Pricing Dependent On Student’s Danger Level

September 23, 2015September 24, 2015 Dick Tarpis

TransLoc Rider, the new Uber-style app that offers Safe-Ride services to NYU students, will begin charging surge prices based on

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Headlines 

Apple Stores, Hospitals Sue Hayden For New Lobby Design Plagiarism

September 19, 2015September 24, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Articles 

Coles Construction Worker Fired for Accidentally Tearing Down Bobst

September 16, 2015September 15, 2015 Dick Tarpis

In a major setback to NYU’s 2031 Project, the Elmer Holmes Bobst Memorial Library was destroyed Thursday by a confused

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Headlines 

Tisch Officially Classifies Shitty Elevators As Performance Art Piece

September 15, 2015September 14, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Headlines 

Sophomore Who Ordered Cheeseburger in Kosher Dining Declares Himself Kim Davis of NYU

September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis
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Articles Uncategorized 

Burger Studio Interactive Menu Adds “Spit” and “Personal Insult” To Toppings List

May 7, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Looking to broaden their already impressive selection, NYU announced plans that “Spit” and “A Personal Insult About Your Appearance” will

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Articles Uncategorized 

Recently Incarcerated Student Says He Prefers Prison To Weinstein

April 30, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

When Chad Kingston was arrested for dealing molly out of his dorm room in Weinstein, he thought his life was

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Articles Uncategorized 

Dining Dollars Revealed To Be A Social Construct

April 29, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Upon paying $7.50 for a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, Sophomore Megan Martinson came to the profound realization that Dining

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Articles Lifestyle 

Senior Just Now Realizes “NYU Minute” Newsletter is Play On Phrase “New York Minute”

April 27, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis new york university, NYU

At 2:37 PM today, upon seeing his weekly email about things he would never, ever attend, Senior Bradley Mischens had

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Academics Articles Lifestyle 

Students Gather In WSP To Commemorate Speculated Tragedy From Siren Noise

April 26, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Washington Square Park has become the scene of an outpouring of support Friday afternoon as various student organizations came together

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Articles Lifestyle 

Five Dead Found In Housie’s Attic, Crawlspace

April 16, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

The mood at NYU was solemn this week after five corpses were found in the attic and crawlspace of NYU’s

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Academics Articles Opinion 

NYU Set to Respond To Allegations That Trolley Is Actually A Bus

April 15, 2015August 18, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Caught amidst what is surely the biggest scandal of the 2014-2015, the NYU Transportation Department is expected to respond to claims

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Academics 

Some Cool Facts You Might Not Know About NYU’s New President, Andrew Hamilton

March 26, 2015March 26, 2015 Dick Tarpis andrew hamilton, NYU, nyu president

You think your parents are bad? Hamilton was born from a couple of rowdy kids out of wedlock. Later orphaned.

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Academics Lifestyle 

Bobst To Close Distinguished Masturbation Room

March 4, 2015March 4, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Take one last whiff, people; the Elmer Holmes Bobst Library has announced plans to close its popular windowless room. The reservation-only

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Academics Lifestyle 

NYU Langone Medical Center to Offer Student Housing in ICU

February 3, 2015February 25, 2015 Dick Tarpis

Following the uproar surrounding New York University’s lack of “guaranteed housing” for all students in the 2014-2015 academic year, the

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Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Headlines 

Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now

November 10, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Recently Divorced Advisor Encouraging Students To Just Give Up Now
Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Headlines 

Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever

October 26, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Graduating Senior Wondering How To Inform Parents She’s Moving Back Home Forever
Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Headlines Stern 

Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year

October 23, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Stern Student Going As “Financial Success” For Halloween This Year
Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Headlines 

Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life

October 15, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Amazing At Life™, Terrible At Life
Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Headlines 

Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed

October 4, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Sophomore Can’t Sit In Washington Square Park Without Fear of Being Interviewed
Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Headlines 

Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week

October 3, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Senior Running Late For Class Just Skips Whole Week
Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines 

Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"

September 13, 2016 Air Bud Comments Off on Freshman Takes Picture In Front of WSP Arch With Caption “My City <3"
Headlines Other 

Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty

December 10, 2015 Dick Tarpis Comments Off on Second Semester Senior With Headphones In Unaware That His Life Is About To Get Really Shitty
Headlines Other 

Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Group Message From Past Class Unnecessarily Still Active
Headlines Other 

Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life

December 10, 2015 Air Bud Comments Off on Junior Calls In Sick To Whole Life
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