Santa Con Participant Leads Life of Quiet Desperation

A man  who dressed up like Santa Claus on Saturday and walked around the East Village barhopping with his, “OG longtime college bros,”  is reportedly in the midst of a debilitating existential crisis. Brad McCollum, a 32-year-old investment banking analyst at Morgan Stanley, reportedly walked down the sidewalk at noon holding a half-empty candy cane-infused handle of Smirnoff yelling, “Happy birthday, Jesus,” and, “Hanukkah’s over now, isn’t it, motherfuckers?!”

Sources say throughout the day Brad’s internal dialogue repeatedly consisted of, “Oh my god,” and, “What have I done with my life?”

“Brad’s friends didn’t really seem to notice anything out of the ordinary,” an eyewitness said as Brad stood before  The 13th Step’s bathroom stall mirror staring himself in the eye and whispering, “What have you done?  What have you done?”  Brad  spent the subsequent thirty minutes weeping, sucking his thumb and rolling back and forth in the fetal position, before wiping his eyes dry, exiting the bathroom  enthusiastically and yelling, “Let’s party, bitches!”

Brad proceeded to rejoin his friends and later made welcomed sexual advances on a large middle-aged elf-attired woman named Peggy.