Please, please help me. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been trapped in this portrait of NYU donors for 14 years, staring endlessly out the north window into Washington Square Park and 5th Avenue: a world I will never again get to be a part of.
When I died on the 9th floor of the Kimmel Center for University Life, I thought it was kind of cool that my soul was absorbed into a large painting of white upper class people who gave money to this school, posed next to a sneering John Sexton. Within two weeks I knew I was wrong. Being forced to gaze day-in and day-out at the same aerial view of that stupid park is worse than any hell I could’ve been sent down to. Even seeing the nightly janitors vacuum carpets is a respite from my visual prison.
I’m not sure what evil specter logic ensnared me in this ugly portrait for eternity, but please take me out of my misery and just throw it into the trash. A view of the landfill I’ll end up in can only be better than staring out at ant-sized NYU students roaming around the same plot of land for all of time. Nobody deserves this fate.