Last Enthusiastic NYU Student Finally Admits Internship is Total Horse Shit
At approximately 3:07 PM on July 15th, the last enthusiastic intern of NYU finally threw in the towel and admitted
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Pixar Hates Fat Girls: Leaked NYU Local Review of “Inside Out”
This weekend, Pixar released Inside Out, an imaginative new animated film by director Pete Docter that revitalizes the genre with
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Robert De Niro Spends Entire Tisch Salute Speech Trying To Convince Audience That “Meet The Fockers” Was Critically Underappreciated
Although it seemed like a fun opening joke at first, after thirty-five minutes it became very apparent that Robert De
Read moreGraduating Senior Decides To Take A Gap Decade To Figure Things Out
“It’s like, I don’t know man, I don’t want to start my life until I’ve lived, ya know?” comments recent NYU
Read moreNYU Stressbusters Announces New “Bust Your Stress By Busting A Nut” Happy Endings Program
Stressbusters at NYU is known as an incredibly fun and far-reaching community wellness program that helps countless students manage their
Read moreStern Building Installs Stern-Only Water Fountains In Addition to School-Specific Wi-Fi
New York University’s Leonard N. Stern School of Business is notoriously quick to disassociate from the rest of the university.
Read moreNew Study Shows All Fraternity Brothers Have Red, Sweaty Faces
A groundbreaking new study done by the NYU Biology department has reached a startling conclusion: 100% of fraternity members have
Read moreJohn Sexton Buys Out “Free Hugs” Guy, Officially Monopolizes Hug Market
After years of battling over the hug market, NYU President John Sexton finally bought out his main competition, “Free Hugs”
Read moreSenior Just Now Realizes “NYU Minute” Newsletter is Play On Phrase “New York Minute”
At 2:37 PM today, upon seeing his weekly email about things he would never, ever attend, Senior Bradley Mischens had
Read moreBREAKING: Short List of Potential Names For Stern’s New Wing
Suggestions and bribes pummeled NYU’s Stern School of Business yesterday after the school announced they were taking suggestions for naming
Read moreSpike Lee Named New NYU Basketball Coach
In a surprise move, the NYU Athletic Board has named famed director Spike Lee the next coach of the Violets
Read moreSome Cool Facts You Might Not Know About NYU’s New President, Andrew Hamilton
You think your parents are bad? Hamilton was born from a couple of rowdy kids out of wedlock. Later orphaned.
Read moreJohn Sexton Threatens to Strike for $500,000 Raise
Drawing inspiration from the recent success of the Graduate Student Organizing Committee (GSOC), NYU President, John Sexton, announced that he,
Read moreBREAKING: Chance the Rapper Tragically Found Dead After Drowning In NYU Pussy
It comes with a heavy heart that we announce the death of a beloved cultural icon, Chance the Rapper, who
Read moreNYU Makes Oscar Predictions, Shows Startling Trends by School
This Sunday, the 87th Academy Awards will award the best and brightest in achievement in film this year. Everyone
Read moreTypo in NYU Email Leads to Outrage about Scheduled “Chance the Raper” Performance
After the NYU Minute arrived in every student’s inbox on Tuesday, a flurry of anger and disgust erupted from the
Read moreWSL Reporter’s Bowels Explode After Seeing Friend’s Performance Art Show
Late Friday night, many pants and eyes became equally moist after viewing the new art installation at Agora Gallery in
Read moreMalia Obama Beaten, Jailed During NYU Tour after NYPD Mistake Her for Armed Black Man
On any other day, Malia Obama might have said a normal tour of Weinstein Residence Hall was the worst possible
Read moreNYU Work Study to Start Paying in “Fun Money”
As the new semester begins, NYU’s Financial Council, a diverse and eclectic group of old white men, have devised a
Read moreAs One of Largest Snow Storms in NYC History Nears Manhattan, Alison Leary Readies Herself For Long Night of Self-Pleasure
Winter Storm Juno is shaping up to be one of the worst snow storms ever to hit Manhattan, according to
Read moreNYU Alternative Breaks: Students Thrilled About Solving Poverty, Newly Acquired Profile Picture
This winter break, NYU students traveled across the country and globe to explore political and social community dynamics in order
Read moreTop 5 Ways To Hide Your Roommate’s Body
OK, so you’ve killed your roommate. Now it’s time for the tricky part: what to do with that pesky corpse.
Read moreTime Out NYU: What’s Happening This Weekend Around the Square
Lying around your dorm with nothing to do? Here’s a list of events that are happening this weekend around campus:
Read moreStudent Plans To Film Hilarious Web Series Idea If He Can Find Out Where To Rent Cameras and Equipment
CAS Cinema Studies junior Jeremy Steinhouse has come up with the perfect idea for a web series. Currently titled the
Read moreNYU Announces Coles Will Be Turned Into an Enormous Gallery of Professors’ Wrinkly Dongs
New York University announced yesterday the long-rumored transformation of Coles’ Fitness Center into an art gallery showcasing the penises of
Read moreCleveland Resident Considers Himself New Yorker After Three-Week Long NYU Summer Program
CLEVELAND, OH –- Cleveland native Jerry McHugh, 19, has returned from a three-week summer program at NYU and is now such
Read moreFreshman Has No Idea What To Do With Life After Finishing Finals and Being Released From Bobst
Although freshman Sam Brooks couldn’t stop thinking about being done with finals and finally “getting out” all week while studying,
Read moreFinals week claims first suicide: new Starbucks barista
After an exhaustive job search, Annie Williams, 24, thought she had finally caught a break. “I’m really excited to start
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Otherkin Student Association Starts “I, too, also, am NYU” Campaign
NYU’s Otherkin Student Association, a group of students who believe themselves to be partially or entirely nonhuman, has started a
Read moreBREAKING: Hayden Hall Will Undergo Renovations to become John Sexton’s Personal Gold Vault, à la Scrooge McDuck
Citing his insatiable need to have more money than he could reasonably use and his extreme joy at seeing
Read moreWashington Square News’ April Fools’ Issue Includes Uncomfortable Amount of Racial Humor
Washington Square News’ annual April Fools’ publication has found the paper in hot water after extreme racial humor that was
Read moreSophomore Devastated When Out of Town Friend Effortlessly Sleeps With Girl of His Dreams
All went awry this weekend for Sophomore Amir Hill, (CAS), when his best friend from back home, Tom Williams,
Read moreNYU Student Ends Up On Phone With President Barack Obama After Long String of Transfers
After a series of “please hold”s and “let me transfer you to this number”s, sophomore Michael Linden (Tisch) ended up
Read moreSpring 2014 Skirball Schedule Includes Nothing You’re Interested In Seeing
NYU today released the Spring 2014 performances schedule for the Jack H. Skirball Center for the Performing Arts and students
Read moreDespite Hell Freezing Over, Alison Leary Refuses to Close School
NEW YORK, NY–After waking at dawn from her bed made out of a mix of dead puppies and broken dreams,
Read moreFreshman Eagerly Anticipating Return to 10”x15” Triple Dorm
GREENWICH, CONN–After having weeks of access to an emotionally supportive family, warm home-cooked meals, and his very own private bed,
Read moreBREAKING: Stern Student Forced to Make Small Talk with Possibly Stoned Gallatin Student
Finance and Econ double major Steven Michaels found himself trapped in a devastatingly awkward conversation with a disgruntled and barely
Read moreSanta Con Participant Leads Life of Quiet Desperation
A man who dressed up like Santa Claus on Saturday and walked around the East Village barhopping with his, “OG
Read moreFreshman Almost Doesn’t Burn Her Mac And Cheese In The Microwave This Time
NEW YORK, NY–After having almost an entire semester to correctly follow the directions on the packaging of every Easy-Mac container,
Read more5 Delish DIY Ideas For When You’re Really Drunk at a Dining Hall
As thrifty, money-savvy college students “in and of and on the sidewalk of the city,” we have to employ a
Read moreNYU Palladium Gym to Add Television Screens To Everything Imaginable
NEW YORK, NY–A recent grant from an unnamed philanthropist with the explicit purpose of “inspiring young athletes or some bullshit
Read moreHousie Maguire Forecloses
NEW YORK, NY–Reports are coming in that New York University’s beloved housing mascot, Housie McGuire, is being given ten days
Read moreStudy: Residential Assistants Detrimental to Student Mental Health
NEW YORK, NY–After a decade of rigorous research, the NYU Department of Applied Psychology announced today that Resident Assistants are
Read moreBREAKING: Student Who Posted On NYU Secrets Can’t Stop Vigorously Masturbating
NEW YORK, NY–Reports are now coming in that 19-year-old Tisch sophomore Michael Hawkins simply cannot overcome the compulsion to pleasure
Read moreAlbert Gains Sentience
In a tragic turn of events for the NYU community, Albert, NYU’s academic and course registration software, gained self-awareness on
Read moreTisch Drama Student is Just Having a Really Hard Time Right Now, OK?
NEW YORK, NY—After coming home and having a normal conversation with her roommates, Ashley Smith, a Tisch Sophomore in the Adler
Read moreMedia, Culture, and Communications Senior Stunned To Learn His Major Is Just Normal Communications Degree
NEW YORK, NY—Media, Culture, and Communications Senior Dan Hayes is in shock after learning his major is just a regular
Read moreStern To Partner With Local Drug Dealers For New Internship Program
NEW YORK, NY–Calling the initaitive “an excellent opportunity for students to receive hands-on business experience,” NYU Stern dean Peter Henry
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Read moreLiberal Studies Freshman Decides God Exists And Islam Is The Choice For Her
NEW YORK, NY—After over 2 months of taking Liberal Studies classes “Cultural Foundations I” and “Social Foundations I”, freshman Melissa
Read moreReport: 77% Percent Of Students Feel Directionless In This Godless Place Known As New York, Other 23% Love Going To Clubs
NEW YORK, NY—A new report released today by the NYU Dept of Psychology revealed that 77% of NYU students felt
Read moreTisch to Change Name to “Franco”
NEW YORK, NY—The Tisch School of the Arts announced Tuesday that it would be changing its name to Franco effective
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