Manager Skeptical of Pike Brother Applying for Internship in City Morgue

Sophomore Jason Stephenson, a member of Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, has recently applied to an internship with the NYC Office of the Chief Medical Examiner. “I’m just really looking to get some hands-on experience with some dead bodies. You know, for science. And stuff,” said Stephenson.

Pi Kappa Alpha, also known as Pike, has been a source of controversy after being accused by some students of date-raping girls. However, Pike has responded to these accusations decisively. An anonymous blog site classified Pike by saying the fraternity has, “lots of guys from business, pre-business and surprisingly large number of Tischies, gay guys and particularly bi-sexuals… Pikes will not drug and rape YOUR date contrary to the popular image. Their own dates, well…”

Pike responded to these accusations by saying, “As far as I know we don’t have any gay guys.”  (Editor’s Note: these quotations are not parody.)

After Stephenson applied for the position with a sterling application, Manager of the city morgue Mike O’Brien said, “I mean, his application was good. He seems like he would be a good fit on paper. I just… I dunno.”

Stephenson cited, “the amazing opportunities and possibilities” that this internship would give him. “If I got this internship, I’d be more than willing to put in the long hours and demonstrate the work ethic and responsibility that I’ve learned from my brotherhood in Pi Kappa Alpha.”

When O’Brien heard that comment, he responded, “Yeah, that’s the thing, it’s just… ya know, I don’t wanna be making any unfounded accusations about the kid, but I probably wouldn’t leave him alone in a room with my mom’s corpse.”