Bobst Revolving Doors Claim Another Life

In a tragic series of events, CAS sophomore Candace Jones was killed trying to navigate their through Bobst’s murderous centrifuge, the latest in a series of recent tragedies.

Her friend and roommate Alice Hong described the scene, noting, “I’ll never get that image out of my mind. She mistimed it, and it split her in half like a cantaloupe. All she wanted was to leave.” Jones was the third victim claimed by the spinning death trap this week. “She saw someone leaving and tried to move right, but they went that way and she just got lost in the shuffle. It was all so fast. One second she was here and the next she was gone.”

Later that night, a memorial was held for Jones outside of the very door that caused the untimely incident. In a horrific turn of events, Hong was crushed while attempting to set up candles and a wreath inside of a segment of the door.