Dramatic Writing Department Installs Floor Drains To Accommodate Pissing Contests
In response to the overwhelming number of pissing contests held amongst students of Tisch’s Goldberg Department of Dramatic Writing, the program’s administration has decided to proceed with plans to install a state-of-the-art drainage system. This new plumbing project, which will consist of several floor drains across the department’s classrooms and common areas, was apparently specifically designed by the department with the fragile egos of its students in mind.
“The series of sturdy, circular drains will dispel any influx of sudden piss released by students attempting to prove their worth to a group of individuals just like them,” explained Henry Halvik, the chief architect of the renovation. “Cases such as these have been growing more and more common, unfortunately. Things have been particularly messy in the Masterclass for Late Night Comedy Writing course, the students of which have been busy passive-aggressively comparing their Jimmy Fallon internship experiences while squirting out liquid confidence all over the carpet.”
“I’ve never actually had to do a job for this reason before, but I don’t see why these drains wouldn’t work for art students pissing out their self-esteem issues,” explained Head Plumber Cliff Bard, when asked about the new system. “The drains are made of iron though, so look out for rust.”
The Dramatic Writing faculty have expressed confidence that the new drainage project will decrease the amount of pee puddles that cover the floor, though some are still skeptical about its potential for solving any inflated psyches or delusions within the department.
