INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Andrew Hamilton Accounts For 18% Of Total Dining Hall Usage

In a study conducted over the course of the semester, dining hall staff across campus have concluded based on meal swipe analytics that President Hamilton is the most active visitor to NYU dining locations, accounting for almost a fifth of all consumption alone.

After crunching the numbers, it appears that President Hamilton has approximately four meals, three snacks, and two desserts on campus each day. Additionally, Rich Baum, Chief of Staff to the President, has remarked that Hamilton “requires all of his meetings to be catered by NYU Dining Services, excluding food from Third North, because that shit sucks.”

President Hamilton’s wife has been quoted as saying, “we’ve lived in New York for months and have yet to go out to dinner in the city, Andy only wants Palladium brunch or Hayden cookies.” When asked for an interview, President Hamilton declined because “Downstein’s closing in 9 minutes, I gotta run.”