New Stern Dating App Just LinkedIn Profiles

This week a group of Stern students launched their new, Stern-exclusive dating app, “HeadHunter” to their peers. Dubbed “Tinder for Young Professionals,” many students were overjoyed when they realized 100% of their profiles were comprised of their LinkedIn accounts. Like Tinder, the app connects you to those around you; however, it uses an algorithm that is joined with your LinkedIn profile rather than Facebook.

One of the co-founders of the app, Glen Bartlett ‘17, is confident that the app will “exceed its economic life projections and avoid vexatious litigants.” He backed up this statement with some work done by a hired financial analyst whose skills have been skewed to create “Pussy Flow Forecasts” instead of “Cash Flow Forecasts.” In essence, Bartlett hopes the app can “continue to let the future of the 1% grow and manifest itself into hopefully just 0.8% by the time our generation is really in charge.”

Thus far, numbers report the only kids getting some decent action are those with internships at Merrill Lynch, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley. Sources within have speculated on just a general trading of insides versus a lot of insider trading, which isn’t illegal.