NYU To Start Charging Broker Fees For On-Campus Housing

NYU has always prided itself on its dedication to fully immersing students in the lifestyle of New York City — from riding the subway, to eating bagels, to shouting, “I’m walkin’ heyah!” randomly, NYU truly believes in its “in and of the city” philosophy.

In a statement released early this morning by the Office of Residential Life and Housing Services, NYU took its efforts a step forward, announcing that starting next school year, it would begin charging high-interest broker fees for its on-campus housing. The new system will place teams of real estate brokers in the lobby of each dorm building during Move-In Day, ready to greet new students and show them around their new accommodations. These experienced, shark-like brokers will give students a peek into the rooms they have been randomly assigned, then demand a fee of anywhere from 10-17.5% before handing over the keys.

“Without paying a steep and unregulated broker fee, how will these young adults understand what it’s like living in the real world?” asked veteran real estate agent Marcy Melbourne, one of NYU’s newest representatives for the program. “Part of living in this city is knowing that any time you need a shelter, you will be charged an inordinate amount of money by a complete stranger who doesn’t even own the building.” She then went on to floss her teeth with a $100 bill before adding, “Expensive middle men are what’s keep the housing system of New York so exciting, and it’s time to bring that cost to our city’s schools.”

When Sophomore June Callahan discovered she would be paying a $4,000 fee to move into her “low-cost” Coral Tower triple, she couldn’t believe how grown up she felt. “It’s like I get the feeling of being a real adult with my own apartment, except without any of the actual benefits of having my own apartment,” she said, adding, “I’m finally a real New Yorker!” before handing over a check along with a copy of her parent’s life insurance policy to her designated broker.