In a move that reportedly shocked hundreds, senior Brooke Wilson has decided to file her own taxes this week, because she is a “fucking adult who knows exactly how the fuck to do that.”
Wilson started the process by confidently typing “how to do your taxes” into Google, which spiraled into endless confused web browsing that culminated in a desperate WikiHow search.
Approximately seventy-two hours later, Wilson was no closer to her goal, and her friends and family decided to stage an intervention.
“Brooke, sweetie, this isn’t you!” her mother wept, but Wilson simply snarled and stole away with her laptop into the night, crying “I am a responsible citizen” to the wind.
Wilson is still at large.