Senior With Straight C’s Really Gonna Have To Pull Some Strings To Not Ruin Everything He’s Worked For

After not putting in even a spec of effort this semester, graduating CAS senior Tosh Evans is really gonna have to pull strings to not destroy everything he’s worked for in college.

“I literally have not tried at all so far this semester,” Evans said as he read a Buzzfeed article on convincing professors to raise grades. “I mean seriously, last week I had a paper due, and I watched all of AMC’s Mad Men before starting my essay 2 hours before the deadline. I’ve already seen Mad Men twice! I’ve done so well throughout my college career, I got to a good GPA, and now I’ve kinda screwed myself over, so I’m hoping my professors can just lemme have this one.”

Evans’ Psychology professor, James Button, is not on board with this idea: “I will not be letting anyone ‘have this one’ simply because they have decided not to try their senior year. Especially if Mad Men is the reason. Jon Hamm’s performance was good at best, I don’t care how many Emmy nominations he received.”

To his parent’s dismay, Evans is looking into getting off the graduation list as soon as possible to right his wrongs.