New Study Finds Correlation Between Popularity, Unlimited Metrocard Ownership

A recent study on levels of social satisfaction amongst NYU students released by researchers at Langone this past Wednesday found a surprising correlation between popularity and unlimited Metrocard ownership.

Dr. Hassleman, head of the study, said the data yielded, “a positive correlation, or relationship between these two factors.” The team went so far as to hypothesize that having more free geographical range of movement would be equitable to the effects of long term therapy for students prone to depression and social withdrawal.

“As walking becomes a less desirable option in the winter months, and students are forced to use alternative transportation systems such as the subway or bus, their ability to socialize is severely impacted. Many choose to stay in and watch whatever new Amazon show is uploaded.” While the study merely observed these results, no suggestion was made by the team on how to correct this reality.

Sophomore Claire Siner thinks that, “we’ll never live in a world where everyone has an unlimited card, especially with the propsed fare hike to three dollars a ride.”

President Hamilton said that, “it’s easier to be rich in New York City/NYU than poor,” when asked about any initiatives he’d be taking. Groundbreaking.