Senior Misses Deadline To Drop Out & Become Tech Billionaire

Half way through his fall semester, NYU senior Paul Schwabe realized that the deadline to found the next big technology startup, procure a multi-million dollar investment, and promptly drop out of school has long since passed.

“I guess I’ll never get the ironic satisfaction that only comes from bragging about not having a college degree,” said Schwabe as he fought to hold back tears. “The world will never get to see InstantGram, my app idea that locates and summons coke dealers in your vicinity for an easy fix. It was gonna be the next Uber, man.”

The sting of failing to meet such a deadline is all the worse due to the success of Schwabe’s friend and freshman year roommate, Neil McCormick, who created an app that translates a user’s total caloric intake into number of burritos. So far the app has raised $80,000,000 in venture capital.