Freshman Reflects Pensively, Loudly On Past Drug Experiences

CAS freshman Marc Tran decided to impart some much-needed wisdom he’d acquired from one of his shroom experiences to a bunch of unfortunate party-goers this past Saturday night. Cornering a group of girls, Tran began to explain to them just how dangerous and cool, yet sensitive and insightful his past drug use has made him.

“It was insane,” Tran remarked, making up a story on the spot and nodding his head sagely. “Totally different from molly though. Like with molly it’s more of like a physical closeness than a spiritual closeness, you know? When I was in Vermont with my friend Chad Hogan, we did a whole bunch of shrooms and we just went out to these hills, and it was like they were playing music but also just giant moving blankets. I’ve never looked at mounds the same way since.”

Marc went on to exaggerate a lot of other high school experiences while only managing to impress someone equally as desperate as himself.