On Tuesdays and Thursdays in the Texts and Ideas Class “Looking Behind Us To See Ahead,” TA Callie Lockhart is on the verge of solving the ultimate TA’s riddle: which one of the many freshman boys are masturbating to thoughts of her?
“Yes, it is disturbing, but it’s just part of the job, and it allows me to do my job better if I can know for sure just who is stroking the salami to thoughts of me explaining Foucault,” said Lockhart. “At least this year they’re polite enough to not do it in class.”
Lockheart has whittled the list of possible pervs down to 8 different freshman boys, each in a different brightly colored snapback. “They think they’re being real clever when I have to bend down to pick up the pencils they ‘accidentally’ throw at the front of the room. But the joke’s on them because they’ll all get C minuses. I’m not gonna fail them, I’m not a monster.”