BREAKING: Hayden Hall Will Undergo Renovations to become John Sexton’s Personal Gold Vault, à la Scrooge McDuck

Stock Photo of President Sexton


Citing his insatiable need to have more money than he could reasonably use and his extreme joy at seeing a physical manifestation of student debt, it has been revealed that the planned renovations in Hayden Hall for the upcoming year will not be to update the dirty and old dorm, but instead to just create a giant vault where John Sexton can swim in gold just like his idol, Scrooge McDuck.


NYU is now asking that tuition be paid in gold doubloons and diamonds. When asked for comment, Sexton said, “While I know this will inconvenience many students’ housing prospects, I really don’t give a shit”.