According to insider sources, an enormous rat is wondering what you were thinking of doing for housing next year. This rat, who is reportedly the size of a small bobcat, is on the hunt for new roommates and was wondering what you were thinking.
“Are you living off campus or on?” asked the terrifyingly huge rat, “Because I can do either.”
The rat, who is somehow the fastest creature alive despite being tremendously fat, is reportedly very interested in eating your garbage next semester.
“I can’t pay rent or clean anything,” says the gigantic rat, “but if you want someone to scare the living shit out of you when I bolt across the kitchen floor at two in the morning, hit me up.”
At press time, the rat was giving birth to 15 more potential roommates.