NYU Spends $1 billion to Build Nicer Financial Aid Office

NYU on Thursday opened the new financial aid office after over $1 billion in renovations. NYU spokesman, John Beckman, said of the project, “After all the money we spent on the new office we really expect it to see it get a lot more use.” He went on to add, “We want to make sure students are as comfortable as possible when we let them know how we can’t afford to give them anymore aid.” NYU administrators have said of the project that they see it as an opportunity to provide a beautiful space to students unaccustomed to such luxury. Beckman noted, “Have you seen some of the apartments these students live in? I’ve been in closets bigger than them!” One of the main features of the new office is the expanded waiting area, which is designed to accommodate 30% of the student body at any given time.

Student’s reaction to the project so far has been overwhelmingly positive. Keegan Alberts, a junior at CAS, was particularly impressed with the new furnishings. “Sure I didn’t get any aid, but those chairs were fucking comfy,” he explained as he strolled through the five story high marble archway on his way out of the office. Still, some students are less than satisfied. Anna Pearlman, a sophomore at Gallatin, lamented, “While I understand the appeal of the new office, couldn’t this money have been better spent tearing down and rebuilding the sports center?” There has been no word yet on whether students are expected to tip the bathroom attendants.