Professor With Three PhDs Unaware Teaching Uninterested Teenagers Was a Job Requirement

In an exclusive interview with Washington Square Local, history Professor Ellen Cooper told reporters she was, “confused by the fact that trying desperately to engage with bored, fidgety undergraduates was part of the deal of this whole professor thing.”

Professor Cooper, who attended both Oxford and Cambridge, and holds doctorates in history, sociology, and psychology, was, “slightly bummed that this is what it all led to.”

Cooper teaches Introduction to European History, and to her disappointment, it appears not only are none of her students excited to learn about history, but that also many of them actively despise it.

“When I decided to devote my life to academic scholarship, I never imagined that scolding some acne-ridden 18-year-old to put away his phone was going to be a regular element of my daily life,” Cooper said. “But I guess those 15 years of relentless studying just paid off in ways I didn’t expect.”