STUDY: Students Reaching Peak Drinking Skill Before Life Even Starts Going Downhill

A study conducted by the NYU Langone Medical Center has concluded that, as alcohol has become more available to those underage, students have begun reaching their peak drinking skill well before their lives begin falling apart upon entering adulthood. This news has sparked an outcry from the community, urging students to save their best for when their life is at their worst.

“On average, a student will consume 6-10 drinks per social gathering, all without the weight of taxes, day to day employment, or the slow approaching darkness of their 40s to push them to their limits,” reports Dr. Thomas Murkson, who himself has a wife, kids, and mortgage helping him gulp down his Bud Light. “What these kids don’t understand is that if they’re blacking out in their 20’s, it’s just going to be harder to fill that void a decade later.”

Hoping to save students from themselves, scientists heavily recommend smoking weed throughout your 20s rather than drinking, stating that “It’s the only time you look cool for doing it, so save the big guns for the war to come.”