BREAKING: Jay’s Mom Staying On The Couch For Awhile, Apparently

Jay’s Mom (Tufts ’88), mom of Jay (Gallatin ’19), has reportedly been bunking in her son’s UHall room for about three days now. It is unclear what her departure date is, but it is quite apparent that Cheryl is going through something.

“I thought it was weird when she showed up and didn’t want to go see the Empire State Building or anything,” said Tyler (CAS ’19). “She just asked me if I liked my drinks like I liked my women. It was kind of weird.”

When asked what Tyler thought the deal was, he replied, “I think shit went down, but I don’t want to pry. Cheryl seems pretty sensitive right now.”

Cheryl declined to comment. Jay was last seen petrified, quickly exiting the UHall dorm.

Updates to follow.