Freshman’s Unpaid Internship First in Long String of Bad Career Decisions

Journalism major Jane Sullivan was reportedly “super excited” when she heard she was hired as an intern at GlamGurl magazine, but unbeknownst to her, her decision to accept the unpaid job offer marked the beginning of a long, tragic descent into professional failure.

As Sullivan called her friends and family to tell them the happy news, the gods sealed her bleak fate and set her off on a path of tedious, soul crushingly bland work with little to no pay. Sullivan will work tirelessly at GlamGurl, where she will sharpen lipsticks and juice kale.

GlamGurl will not return her calls when she applies for a paid position. Sullivan will indeed receive her bachelor’s in journalism, but will have to take night classes in marketing. Eventually she will find work as an insurance agent in New Jersey.

Sullivan, when reached for comment, remarked “I can’t wait to start!”