According to inside sources, 70-year-old Film Studies professor Rick Warren has set aside a 45 minute block of time in the middle of his 12:30 Monday lecture for a meandering, barely coherent story.
“I just don’t know when inspiration will strike,” stated Warren, a man clearly months away from a nursing home. “At any point in my lecture, I could suddenly veer drastically into a nearly hourlong story about my wife’s childhood friend or a bird I saw this morning.”
Warren has stated that while he has no specific plans for this scheduled anecdote, he can guarantee that it will include a half-hearted attempt to remember an ex-coworker’s name and several spot-on impressions of people the students have never met. If the students are lucky, Warren may even name-drop a C-list celebrity who was tangentially involved.
“I might recall a fourth-hand story about my niece’s orthopedist’s kids, or maybe I’ll just start yelling about an animal I met when I was in high school,” says Warren, “Hopefully I’ll close out by mis-remembering a joke my plumber yelled to me from the basement, so that I can end the lecture 15 minutes late on a smattering of forced chuckles.”
At press time Warren had started the anecdote, prompting each and every student in the lecture hall to switch tabs to Facebook.