New Study Shows All Fraternity Brothers Have Red, Sweaty Faces

A groundbreaking new study done by the NYU Biology department has reached a startling conclusion: 100% of fraternity members have moist and inflamed faces.

In their exhaustive research, scientists polled every fraternity and took pictures of each member’s face. Over time they noticed a baffling trend: that everyone’s faces were really red and wet.

“Excessive binge drinking paired with blind sexual rage may have caused this,” says Dr. Anton Ferdinand, an epidemiologist at NYU’s Langone Medical Center and the lead investigator on the case. “But honestly we don’t really care. It’s just kind of weird to look at.”

Whatever the cause, the question will remain: is it really that hot outside, or are they just that uncomfortable with themselves?